Touch Wood
by flames4thought
Summary: Fred and George overhear Hermione use a muggle saying one evening and decide they could have a lot of fun with it. One-shot taking place in Prisoner of Azkaban sometime after the Quidditch match Gryffindor vs. Hufflepuff.
A/N - Just a quick Weasley twin one-shot. My sister originally came up with this idea and it's been floating around in my head ever since so I finally put it on paper. I hope everyone likes it.

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter...**

* * *

 **Touch Wood**

Flames4thought

George grinned as he and Fred entered the common room to see Hermione gesturing wildly as she lectured Harry and Ron. His grin widened at the looks of utter boredom fixed on Harry and Ron's faces.

He nudged Fred and jerked his head in the Golden Trio's direction. Fred shot him a thumbs up and they waved cheerily at the two third-years to grab their attention and put fingers to their lips, silently telling the two of them not to give them away. Harry and Ron immediately sat up straighter, looking interested in what the twins were planning.

George clapped a hand over his face. Neither Ron nor Harry had a subtle bone in their body. Their sudden alertness had to have given the game away. Amazingly though, Hermione was oblivious to them creeping up on her and actually seemed to take heart in the sudden attention Ron and Harry were giving her.

As they crept closer, they began to overhear what she was saying. "—the weather's supposed to be good tomorrow – touch wood – so we can do it then."

"I didn't know you had such strong feelings for Oliver Wood," Fred said loudly, clapping a hand on her shoulder. Hermione squeaked and jumped a couple feet in the air much to the twins, Harry and Ron's amusement.

"I—" she stammered, looking around and blushing madly. George flashed his twin an evil grin.

"Doing _it_ with Wood outside," George agreed, "Scandalous. I would've never thought you had it in you."

"But I—" Hermione stuttered, beginning to turn purple in her mortification. Harry and Ron both clutched their stomachs as they gasped for breath because they were laughing so hard.

"I don't know that you have a chance with Wood though," Fred continued, plowing through Hermione's protests and ignoring Harry and Ron's hysterics. "He's out of your league… and too old for a young sprig like you. Besides he's already in love with someone else."

"Quidditch," George agreed. They looked at each other and started to cackle.

"I don't— Oh bloody hell! Cut it out you two!" Hermione snapped, glaring at the two of them, "If you would have listened to my explanation, I was going to say that 'touch wood' is a muggle saying that's supposed to ward off bad luck if you say something about the future that you don't want to jinx."

George yawned. "Boring," he said

Fred put a hand on George's shoulder. "Actually…" he said, a mischievous glint in his eyes, "We could have a lot of fun with that little tidbit of information."

"Huh?" George, Harry and Ron gaped at Fred like he was crazy. Hermione looked taken aback and suddenly fearful.

"Fred…" Hermione began, "I don't know—"

"Oh pish," Fred said airily, waving her off, "Come on, Forge, we've got some planning to do." Now Hermione looked absolutely horrified at the thought that she might have given them an idea for a prank.

"But—" she began but the twins bounced off before she could try to figure out what just happened. She looked at Harry and Ron in bewilderment but they just shrugged and went back to their game of chess.

Fred pulled George over to an alcove in the common room. "Think about it George," he whispered excitedly, "Touch Wood… It's perfect!"

"For what?" George whispered back confused, "I thought we were just giving Hermione a hard time for her word choice."

"Well, yeah," Fred responded, "But she gave me a great idea too."

"I…" George started to say and then his eyes lit up, "Oh yes. Brilliant."

*WWW*

They implemented phase one of their plan at breakfast the next morning. Fred and George scanned the Gryffindor table for Oliver Wood and grinned evilly as they spotted him a few seats down from the Golden Trio sitting in their usual spot near the end of the table.

Perfect, they wouldn't even have to antagonize Wood into dragging him over to Hermione. They bounced over to Wood and took seats on either side of him. "Morning Wood!" they chimed cheerily.

Wood groaned. "It's too early in the morning for your shenanigans," he moaned, "Go away."

George exchanged a hurt look with Fred behind Wood's back. "We're hurt," Fred gasped, clutching his heart like he was in pain.

"You honestly think we're here to prank you?" George gasped, "We would never!"

Fred nodded fervently and Wood looked between the two of them suspiciously. "What do you want then?" Wood asked suspiciously.

"We only wanted to wish you a pleasant morning," Fred said.

"Right," Wood stated doubtfully.

"Well and tell you what Hermione told us last night… Isn't that right Hermione?" George raised his voice so it carried over to the Golden Trio. Ron and Harry looked over at the twins with amused smiles. Hermione on the other hand looked aghast.

"George," she snapped, "Stop twisting my words… I only said the news report called for good weather today—"

"Touch Wood!" the twins shouted, smacking Wood on his head. Ron and Harry burst into laughter as they watched Hermione and Wood's reactions.

"Ouch!" Wood protested, rubbing his head and glaring at the twins, "What was that for?"

"To ward off bad luck," Fred grinned.

Wood scowled. "What's this?"

"Hermione told us. Isn't that right, Hermione?" George smirked happily as both Hermione and Wood scowled at him.

"I never said anything about Wood… You misunderstood…" Hermione protested.

Fred smirked. "Right, Princess. Sure. Whatever you say." He winked at Hermione cheekily and she scowled.

Wood frowned. "What's going on?" he asked suspiciously.

"Nothing," George said innocently, "We'll see you at practice later." The two of them jumped up and raced off before anyone could ask them any more questions.

As they exited the Entrance Hall, they high-fived and continued on their way.

*WWW*

"So you'll help?" George asked Harry as they trudged to Quidditch practice later that day.

Harry grimaced. "I dunno," he muttered, "Wood expects this sort of stuff from you guys… He tolerates it because you're such good beaters. I don't really want to get on his bad side…"

"Oh come on," Fred encouraged him, "Live a little. Wood will forgive you – it's for the good of winning the Cup. If we don't do it, then we might never win it."

"Besides," George added with a grin, "The girls are on board. So if you don't, you'll be the odd one out."

"And the only one not doing extra drills," Harry scowled, "You know what Wood's like when he's irritated."

"Pretty please?" George asked. Beside him, Fred clasped his hands and held them before his face batting his eyelashes wildly.

"Ok, ok," Harry snapped, "I'll help. Now could you please go bother someone else?"

"Excellent!" Fred said and he high-fived George before they raced off ahead of Harry to the change rooms.

*WWW*

Wood waved his hands enthusiastically as he started to lecture the Gryffindor team on the new formation he wanted to try for practice that day. "I really think it will help us win the next game," he said enthusiastically.

George jumped from his seat and shouted "Touch Wood!" He slapped Wood on the arm and sat back down smugly.

"Cut it out Weasley," Wood scowled, "I had enough of your antics at breakfast."

George just grinned at Wood. The rest of the team smiled slightly too but snapped back to attention as Wood got back on topic. "As I was saying, if we master this formation I think we've really got a shot at the next game."

"Touch Wood!" Fred exclaimed as he kicked Wood in the shin. "Does that count?" he whispered to his brother.

George nodded. "You touched him," George muttered back, "It counts."

"Ouch," Wood snarled as he glared at both of them, "Dammit Weasley. If you weren't such a bloody good beater, I'd kick you both off the team right now."

"Aww, Wood," the twins simpered, "We know you love us. You'd never do something like that to us."

"Right," Wood growled, "Both of you on opposite sides of the room. Now!"

The twins smirked at each other and George got up to sit beside Harry on the bench across the room. As Wood started to speak again, George nudged Harry who scowled at him. You're next, George mouthed. Harry's scowl deepened but he nodded slightly.

Wood, oblivious to George and Harry's silent exchange, addressed Harry. "Have you figured out a way to manage the dementors if they appear again?" he demanded.

Harry's scowl deepened further. "I'm working on it," he grumbled, "I should be able to by the next match."

Wood nodded curtly. "Good," he said, "Hopefully you won't need it but—"

He broke off as Harry jumped up, shouted "Touch Wood!" and proceeded to poke Wood in the side.

"Honestly," Wood growled, glaring at the twins and Harry, "Stop this nonsense now. We've got important things to discuss."

"Sorry Wood," Harry mumbled, staring at the stone floor.

"Right, so if the dementors don't show up…" Wood sputtered as Angelina Johnson punched him in the shoulder shrieking "Touch Wood!" He shot a glare at Angelina over his shoulder while he rubbed it but continued as if nothing had happened. The twins choked back laughter at this. Wood wouldn't be deterred from giving his speech even if it meant ignoring his team's shenanigans.

"… and Harry figures out a way to counteract their effects on him, we should be in good shape for this game."

"Touch Wood!" Alicia Spinnet and Katie Bell cried. They bonked Wood on the head when they jumped up.

"Hmmph," Wood snorted angrily but didn't comment. He obviously hoped that by not reacting the team would give up whatever game they were playing with him. He clapped his hands together happily and surveyed the team, who were all watching him with varying levels of amusement. The twins in particular were having a hard time choking down their laughter, whereas the rest of the team had varying amused smiles adorning their faces. Wood glowered as he realized the game wasn't over yet.

"The next person who interrupts me or says 'Touch Wood' is going to be very sorry," Wood said, frowning at the assembled team. They all nodded earnestly and he scowled at their innocent expressions.

Cautiously he continued with his prepared speech. "So, if we manage to get through all the drills I outlined today, I think we can take a day off."

Fred and George gasped dramatically. "A day off from practice?" they said, "Wood? Are you going soft? And so close to a game?"

"Do you want a practice tomorrow?" Wood snapped.

"No… no," George said hastily, "Sorry, Wood."

"Right, let's get out there then," Wood said. He grinned at his team. "I've got a very good feeling about the upcoming game. I think we've really got a shot."

Almost simultaneously everyone bounded from their seats and launched themselves at Wood screaming "TOUCH WOOD!"

"OI!" Wood shouted as he was tackled to the ground in a pile-up of seven people, "What the hell is wrong with you people today!?"

They all burst into hysterical laughter as they tried to disentangle themselves from the pile-up. "I mean it! Weasley!" Wood roared, "Explain!"

George gasped as his extracted himself from the tangled limbs. "We were just trying to—" he gasped.

"Ward off any bad—" Fred continued.

"Luck you might have—"

"Brought on us—"

"By talking so much about us winning—" George finished as he broke down in laughter again.

"Explain Potter," Wood rounded on Harry who flinched.

"Touch wood is a muggle saying…" Harry stuttered, "It's supposed to ward off bad luck when you say something that you want to happen but don't want to jinx it."

"Yeah, well it just earned you all a six o'clock practice tomorrow morning," Wood snarled, feeling vindictive.

"Aww, come on," Fred and George moaned, "We were just having some fun!" Everyone else groaned and glared at the Weasley twins.

"I'm sure," Wood snorted, "I know you Weasley. Now stop complaining or we'll have practice at 6 AM sharp for the next week."

More groans resonated throughout the change room but everyone started to shuffle to their feet and headed out to the Quidditch pitch to finally start practice without voicing any more complaints.

Wood smiled as he watched them go. Those Weasleys were clever but he'd got them this time. He would certainly enjoy waking up the next morning and seeing all of their bleary faces for practice. He snorted. It served them right.

*WWW*

Wood stood in front of his bleary eyed team the next morning as they got ready for practice. "Ok guys," he said brightly, rubbing his hands together in anticipation. Everyone groaned. It was 6 in the morning and none of them were particularly happy to be at practice.

"And gals," Alicia Spinnet grumbled.

"And gals," Wood agreed happily, "Are we ready?"

At the disgruntled protests, Wood grinned. Vengeance was sweet.


End file.
